Review: Dead Man in a Ditch

Dead Man in a Ditch by Luke Arnold
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The conclusion of our two-part Luke Arnold double feature.

"I don't believe in second chances. I don't believe you can undo what was done. But if I didn't believe I still had it in me to do something good, I would have jumped out the Angel door a long time ago."

In the sequel to Luke Arnold's debut novel, he writes the story I would expect and then slaps me in the face for getting too cocky. And this after I wrote his parents that lovely letter!

For his first novel I was caught up in the joy of reading it but for this read-through, I took tons of notes and kept analyzing what was written and working out where I thought the story was headed. Despite my best efforts, I turned out shocked, then furious, then uncertain, then a whole range of other emotions as things transpired that were entirely out of my control and not in the least how I pictured the story going. The last fifth of the book strapped me to a BMX bike and said "Here, good luck!"

Well, damn.

Which isn't to say the other eighty percent of the book is predictable. I was being very critical and going "Wouldn't it be nice if..." 

Is it his background in movies and television that taught Luke how to tell a story in this manner? Dead Man In A Ditch is a perfect complete package. If I was a teacher I would give it an A++. 

You can't have a title like that and not have a worthy body count. What a delivery. After taking a one-off job for a friend, Fletch is called upon by the police department to investigate a murder that appears to be accomplished with the use of magic. Between the two novels, rumors have sprung about that Fletch is the go-to guy for magic related investigations. They say he is on a quest to bring magic back. Fletch is still in the position we last left him in, so as readers we know he isn't misleading when he says he doesn't believe he can be much help. Magic is gone from this world. 

But Magic isn't always the answer.

Where in the first book Luke Arnold wrote about a world post-magic where inhabitants are struggling to find their places in the unnatural order of things, Dead Man in a Ditch introduces us to what could technically be referred to as an industrial revolution. It is mostly behind the scenes until it's not, but Humans have been busy since the events of the Coda. Fletch takes on a multitude of cases which ultimately put him in the midst of a battle that never truly ended, just changed forms. 

Last time, we viewed the aftermath of the Coda with a grittiness. The relationships we develop this time around or interactions we witness have a deep emotional quality to them. The suffering and loss which I mostly disregarded from the first book hit home here. The part with the Faeries has me still asking questions. I'll avoid spoilers but I wish we revisit this in a sequel. 

Somewhere in Luke Arnold's house is a very worn copy of a Mythical Creature Encyclopedia or else he has a very questionable browser history. I was excited to see a Goblin have a big role that didn't involve berserker rage or banking. Then came the Succumbae who do extreme body modification and steal every scene they're in.  There's also a Unicorn used unconventionally in a scene that brings the desperation we all felt when watching *that* moment in Neverending Story. It's not what you expect. And here I cackle like a madman. 

The majority of our supporting cast is back. Warren, Ritchie, Simms, Baxter, and others. I did notice an omission who gets name dropped at the very end of the book but had no role here otherwise. It was once I sat down to write this review that I realize books one and two are distinctly different. I don't know what type of contract was signed for the series. If it's write-as-you-go or if there is a planned three to seven book saga we are journeying on.  Outside of setting up Fletch with rumors of what he investigates, certain events from book one have no other connection to this story. Which is both a relief and a curiosity. On one hand, this allows us to branch out and explore the world without being stuck with one group of creatures over another. On the other hand, it means some people are out there running around doing who knows what. We don't, but it's not important. The bigger story does carry over and it really threw me. 

I knew what the stakes were, but what a way to break a man. 

Dead Man in a Ditch takes us to the seedier parts of Sunder City. On a job about a missing person, Fletch winds up at a casino and brothel where us readers are taught a new card game. I don't know our equivalent but it sounded fun, the rules are all there, and I anxiously want to play it. I'm making the call right here: Orbit should give Luke Arnold his own author page dedicated to the series and have a playable version of the game online. You can play against other fans, take which fantasy creature are you quizzes...the internet goes crazy for that stuff. Join the Opus! Join the Army! Join the Resistance! Join the Sunder City PD! Join the Library is what my badge would be. Geeze. 

What's up with all the Werecats? 

I googled it and according to Wikipedia: Werecat folklore is found on all continents EXCEPT Antarctica and Australia and is generally based on wild felines native to the area. Did Luke watch a lot of Thundercats as a child? 

Actually, correction incoming. What I thought was Wikipedia is a website called Wiki Fur which is ahem: the free encyclopedia written by and for furries. What dark hole did the internet drop me down to come up with that one? Well, you know what, that's google's top website on the creature so they would be the experts. 

Dead Man in a Ditch takes Fletch's past and brings it guns-a-blazing into the present. The momentum is explosive. When all the pieces fall into place it is a radiant, head spinning, page-turner of a novel. But what does it mean? What does it MEAN? 

It means when we aren't looking that the rug is going to get pulled out from under us. It means not everything that was lost is completely gone. It means there's hope. While some things will never be the same again, there is still a world. There is still a city. And however it will take him, there is Fletch Philips. 

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Review: The Last Smile in Sunder City

The Last Smile in Sunder City by Luke Arnold
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In Part I of a two-part Luke Arnold double feature, we take a trip to Sunder City. 

Believe it or not, this is one of the few noir-style detective fiction books in a fantasy setting I've ever read.* That translates as: I'm not an expert on Noir in general. I grew up with my Grandfather who lived and breathed the genre. I didn't pick up too much from him there. I understand it from a stereotypical perspective which means an office and a sultry woman who comes needing help. There's no sultry woman here. What we have is Fletch Phillips: Man for Hire. He is a human in a world that was once filled with the fantastical. We don't know that quite yet.

The use of a sex education/your changing body video to introduce us to the fantasy world was brilliant. Up until that point, the book is a generic detective noir based on my limited understanding. Fetch receives a phone call in his office and goes to the school to meet the Principal who will offer him a job. Nothing at all prepares us for the essence of the story until we watch this film and find out the bodily changes consist of fangs for the girl and stumps growing out of the boy's back. It's then revealed this is a school for fantasy creatures. The Principal himself was once a wizard. But there's no magic and being a fantasy creature is meaningless. This is also explained in the video.

You see before our story starts there was an event known as the Coda. The Humans, including Fetch as a soldier, go to the source of magic to try to harness it themselves. They fail. What they did achieve is to cause the river to crystalize, suddenly cutting off all magic in the world. Wizard's spells were useless. Dragons and Wyverns fall from the sky. Elves age hundreds of years. Vampires no longer are thwarted by the sun but they also are no longer sustained by blood. Creatures lose everything that made them what they were. Now they were, even with different bodies, on the same level as humans who are the true minorities in this world but it doesn't feel like it.

If fantasy creatures were sprinkles, this book would be very crunchy ice cream. There are Sirens, Gnomes, Dwarves, Kobolds, Ogres, Trolls, Demons, Witches, Vampires, Elves, Dragons, Werewolfs, Werecats, Wizards, Banshees, Necromancers, and more. I am not sure what possessed Luke to throw almost every possible type of creature in there but wow. At the same time, the book doesn't feel crowded by all of this. If Luke was any bit of a novice writer I would be dismayed at interaction after interaction. It sounds like too much. Luke finds a way to populate his world without choking us.

I'm sorry. I can't continue this without writing a letter to Luke's parents.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Arnold,
It's common knowledge that you are well acquainted with Classic American movies. But are you acquainted with the classically American movie known as The Waterboy? It has a young Adam Sandler, Fairuza Balk being Fairuza Balk, and Kathy Bates does a dance routine in the background of the final Football game. It's well worth it. Towards the end of the movie, Ron Howard's naturally ugly brother Clint gives a speech to Adam's Waterboy character about how he is an inspiration to people who weren't born with natural talent, charm, or a fully functional brain. This is how I feel knowing your son is in the world. Clint breaks down crying but I will hold myself together. It is staggering that someone with this much capability and skill exists. You guys did a great job raising him.
Ever and Always, Alexander.

The detective plot revolves around a missing Vampire who is a professor of the school, and later a Siren who went to the Vampire for additional lessons. Fletch weaves through a changing cast of characters trying to solve this puzzle while also giving us insight into his background and why people react to him the way they do. He seems to have a history with almost everybody. He actually does. Without revealing it and spoiling the book, I will say that Fletch has a bigger hand in the loss of magic than is initially mentioned. His existence is one of atonement. He's not perfect. Addicted to painkillers. Hanging out in darkened bars. A little cocky and do-what-needs-to-be-done. I kept imagining Luke as Fletch. That's the benefit of having an actor for an author. He'd be perfect for it.

Of course, the mystery of those missing soon reveals a larger plot that will carry us through to the rest of the series.

In one museum scene, Fletch muses "A good man is made through a lifetime of work. Great men are made by their monsters." I love this line. He was referring to how the men who made history usually came in sets. Someone who does great deeds may or may not be remembered. Who cares about someone that does a decent or flawless job? If two enemies engage each other, they are recorded for all time. Think about it in our terms. FDR versus Hitler. Who was the president before FDR? Who rules Germany before Hitler? Who cares. It's the men in conflict we are interested in. And yet why I loved this line is because it made me think of Fletch himself. As I said, he isn't perfect but he is trying to do his best in a world that doesn't believe it needs him. At the same time, Fletch is his own monster. No matter who he faces off in future books, guilt and regret are his biggest adversaries. Men are made by their monsters.

Along with that, one of the central themes of this book is hope.

"I was fine with having nothing. Nothing to hold onto and so no reason to do anyone else any wrong. But give me a little hope and I'll show you who I really am."

"Maybe nobody gets better. Maybe bad people just get worse. It's not the bad things that make people bad, though. From what I've seen, we all work together in the face of adversity. Join up like brothers and work to overcome whatever big old evil wants to hold us down. The thing that kills us is the hope. Give a good man something to protect and you'll turn him into a killer."

See, it's the promise of hope who drives the narrative. In a world without magic, is there a chance it will come back? And what would you do in order to obtain it?

Luke Arnold, everybody. Again, wow. I had to seek this book out as I've had its sequel sitting in wait for me as I kept reading other books in my never-ending pile. When I learned who wrote Dead Men in a Ditch I decided to grab the first one. It's inconceivable how good this is. Top five of the year. Stick around for part II as I cover Dead Men in a Ditch next!!! 

*The other, of course, being the Bobby Dollar books by Tad Williams. They are Urban Fantasy Noir. The series is about the angel Doloriel who investigates as souls mysteriously go missing instead of ending up in heaven or hell. Book two has the greatest imagining of Hell that I've ever read.       

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Review: The Hole

The Hole by Hiroko Oyamada
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Sometimes I love exploring a book without having any notion of what it may be about beforehand. I saw that The Hole was written by Hiroko Oyamada and wasn't a fantasy novel which is a genre I gravitate towards. It's important to step away from habits every now and then. With that little bit of information, I ventured into this novella blindly and came out thinking what the hell did I just read which is a lovely sentiment.


This is a story that will make you think. Asa and her husband relocate to an adjacent house next door to the latter's parents to be closer to his work. Moving from the city to a town, it's inconvenient in the respect that transportation is limited and without a car the options are slim. Asa leaves her job in the city for the move but is unable to acquire work right away due to her husband using their only car for his work. She spends time walking to the grocery store and napping. Sometimes she reads. She explains that she lives from meal to meal as preparing breakfast, lunch, and dinner are the only routine of each day. It's not too far off from how people currently are or were dealing with the quarantine. She's totally relatable. Asa comes across as directionless, trying to find some way to deal with her solitude. Her mother-in-law doesn't seem to like her very much, at least from what I can tell. Her husband's ninety-year-old Grandfather also lives next door with his parents. He spends his time outdoors watering the Garden. Or flooding it, rather.

Asa's life changes when her Mother in Law asks her to run an errand and she comes across a large animal. It's never stated what the animal is. It's big like a dog, but it's not a weasel or a raccoon. She follows it and ends up falling into a Hole. It's not too deep of a hole. Only 5 feet and her head sticks out level with the grass.

From this point on the book becomes highly open to interpretation. She is helped out of the hole by the neighbor that lives on the other side of her In-laws. It's hard to say exactly what is real and what is made up in Asa's head. Are the creature and the hole a metaphor for her own isolation and her interest in it an attempt to give meaning to her stunted life? I would say most likely yes. Later on in the story, the neighbor visits and mentions a name that was not her husband's. She corrects herself but after this slip-up, Asa meets a brother she never knew her husband had. He is not mentioned or referenced by anyone else in the family. I'm convinced he isn't real. I'll leave that for you to decide but the ending with her discovery of the Shed's condition, which is where the brother in law lives, convinces me I'm correct. He is similarly in the same situation as Asa. Someone who lives in isolation due to the decisions they have made.

There's also a pattern relating to children. Asa's coworker before she leaves her job asks her if she's going to be a housewife and get pregnant. She has multiple run-ins with children in situations involving her brother-in-law. Its almost like she's projecting having a child as an excuse to prove she's worthy of existing. Asa has to figure out what is going on with the town, the animals, the mysterious brother in law, and the truth about the family she married into.

Unfortunately, this being a Novella I feel talking more about it would require me to write the whole book here. It was very short. I'm hesitant to even call it a Novella. It took me around an hour to read it so if you are looking for something that is quick and makes you think, then this would work out well. I love how it is open to interpretation.

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Review: How to Break an Evil Curse

How to Break an Evil Curse by Laura Morrison
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Allow me to impersonate Stanley Hudson from the Office:


Fantasy is fantasy is fantasy is fantasy.

In other words, stop with the subgenres. Look, they exist for a reason. If you never get past what a book isn't, then you'll never appreciate a book for what is it.


Every other review I've seen makes sure to mention that this is a Fractured Fairy Tale or that this book is falsely advertised as high fantasy when it is really low fantasy. This makes me think of dog lovers. If I buy a dog and name it after your ex, will you like the dog less? This is a bad example for me because I don't like animals but hopefully you do enough for the point to still stand.

I liked this book until I hated it and then I learned to love it.

I had issues as well with typecasting. This book isn't witty enough to be The Princess Bride. It isn't clever enough to be Into the Woods. It isn't witty AND clever enough to be a Discworld Novel. Or silly for that matter. But it comes so close to all three that I realized that my attempts at disliking it for what it isn't overshadowed the brilliance for what it was.

What surprised me was that the story the book leads in with is not the story we end up with. There are two girls whose destinies lead them in opposite directions. One is due to marry the Prince. The other has no soul and is sentenced to exile in a cave after plotting to overthrow the crown with an evil wizard who happens to be the Prince's kind of best friend but not really. Conroy, the Prince, is shattered by Farland's betrayal. Farland goes one step further to announce that the firstborn heir of Conroy will be cursed to never be able to step foot in the sun or else they die. There are conditions to break the evil curse involving whom the heir is supposed to fall in love with because that's what happens in these types of books. We flash forward Nineteen years and follow Julianna, the cursed, as she works to escape her dungeon turned bedroom. She lives with three ghosts, one of whom accompanies her on her adventure. Our other main character is Warren, the curse breaker who is not the type to rescue a damsel in distress if you get my meaning. He is the son in a sea-traveling theater troupe who plays a few instruments and has morals but not muscle to rely on. His sister, Corrine, also travels with him to protect him after Farland makes an attempt on his life. Our two leads cross paths and rely on each other to set things right. There's also a subplot involving a revolution that develops throughout the book but is destined to find itself in the sequels.

I believe I saw, possibly in the dedication, that this book was originally made up as a bedtime story for the author's children. The beginning had that feel to it. It finds itself towards the middle when suddenly the book goes from humorous to humorously bonkers. The lack of seriousness mixed with weirdness is special. One example of this would be as Julianna is stalking an intended target to prove her worthiness in order to have access to a tunnel in and out of the castle *breath* the narrator mentions that the reason we are focussing on Julianna is that our other characters are sleeping. Just in case we wanted to still check in with them, the narrator then explains what it was like for them to be sleeping in the inn with details about noises they are making, and creaking, and restlessness. What other books can you name tells you that the characters are doing something as unimportant as sleeping but if you really insist on knowing proceeds to tell you anyway? The narrator, I will say, is almost as much of a character as the storyteller from Into the Woods. Little side comments make the book shine.

Another detail I liked was nearer to the end during a rescue mission, our group finds themselves trying to figure out the location of bodies of water nearby and there's a little post with a box containing maps of the area and it's clearly referential to the maps you find in forest and nature preservations. Paid for and provided by so and so.

Not everything worked for me. There's a basin and then vial of mixed Ravens blood which talks to specific people. I didn't care for that at all. One reason is that it constantly uses the word "Bro." Here is the biggest sin of the book. There are numerous uses of Man, Dude, Bro, and Yo. I'm sure there was something else I hadn't bothered to write down. It takes the silliness and sophistication of the book and knocks it down a few levels. I felt hatred in my heart the more I came across this. It practically ruined everything else on the page. Bro is bad enough but Dude has no place in fantasy literature, or even in the English language for that matter. I think we should vote it out but some of us have problems voting things out that don't belong.

I've seen critiques on character development. I don't agree. This book takes place over a short period of time and I do think Julianna and Warren are in different places than where they started. Julianna is a girl who wants to explore the world unknown to her but now sees the trouble within the kingdom and understands the people who speak out against her family. There's more growth to be sure but she openly opposes her father's totalitarian control and his desire for the big secret of the book to be kept hidden. Warren doesn't have completely as much development but I believe by the end of book one he is beginning to see that his fate has more in store for him. The plot of this book isn't as epic as people are arguing it should be but this is the start of the journey. Book One. We have the base of conflict and we have two villainous characters that we can enjoy with all their evil plotting. If you have trouble relating just imagine Tim Curry as Farland. That'll put this in perspective for you.

At it's worse points, I would have given it a three bordering on a two..but it pulled itself together and makes me want to read the sequel. It will never be perfect with the dudes and the bros, but I'll look past it for a lighthearted change.

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Review: Printer's Error: Irreverent Stories from Book History

Printer's Error: Irreverent Stories from Book History by Rebecca Romney
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

How do you talk about history, the history of books nonetheless, and make it sound interesting? If your answer was to get someone that is considered the antique book expert with the most pop-culture appeal and pair them with...someone else who wrote a young adult novel once...then you'd come to the conclusion of husband and wife duo Rebecca Romney and her lesser-known husband J.P.

Not to discredit J.P. of course. The reason I was so interested in this book was that when Googling Rebecca I had seen that she had written something and as she's witty and fascinating on screen I thought this would be astounding. It is. Although I do have an issue with the lack of information I could dig up on the book itself. It wasn't until I had it in my hands that I realized J.P. was even involved with it. Everything I'd seen online mentioned Rebecca wrote a book. Nothing more. Once I started to look up who J.P. was and followed the trail I found more references to him in relation to Printer's Error. This may seem unimportant to you but it does make a world of a difference.

Books written by multiple authors that are one piece and not separate shorter stories lead me to question which author wrote which bit. Some writing styles can flow together seamlessly. Other times you can pick up who wrote what relatively easily. Good Omens is an obvious example where I can tell what Terry Pratchett wrote and what Neil Gaiman came up with. That also has to do with how that specific book was written. I did manage to find one reference, either an article or a question that was asked of Rebecca on a social network. I cannot remember which offhand. She stated that the book was worked on equally with both of them penning the chapters. J.P. would write the biographical information and she would handle the technical aspects. Truthfully, I feel as if the bulk of the book was written by J.P. based on what I've seen from Rebecca both in how she acts on T.V. as well as how she speaks on Social Media. The focus on her may be a good way to sell the book and as a husband and wife team, she easily could have guided the whole thing BUT from how it is written there is a clear .... immaturity.

This is not a boring book. It is a book filled with historical information but filled with present-day references. It doesn't sound like you are in a lecture as much as in a coffee shop listening to a guy with a man-bun rattling off trivia while holding bubble tea in one hand and an FYE bag full of Funko Pop figures in the other. A lot of people have voiced their disdain for the language of this book. Look, I am a 32-year-old male brought up in the digital age. I have a cruel sense of humor and I bathe in immaturity. I was fine with all of it. It made the book more appealing to me. I'm completely willing to read a book that is serious and full of historical fact after historical fact. That wouldn't put me off. I was admittedly surprised when the jokes started to appear and the lightheartedness of the conversation took over. It was much appreciated though.

"All this could have been avoided if Gutenberg had just printed his motherfucking name on his motherfucking books."

The people discussed within the 12 chapters are Gutenberg, Johannes Trithemius, Thomas More, Shakespeare, William Blake, Mary Wollstonecraft, Charles Dickens, Mercator, Benjamin Franklin. and more. The above quote comes from the Gutenberg section which was largely about how nobody originally credited him for the invention of the printing press. This is the type of dialogue you will come across and I understand if people are put off by profanity and yes, the book tends to skew towards a younger audience who would understand the side comments the authors' throw-in. If I have my facts correct, Trithemius is a monk who spoke out against the printing press in favor of handwritten manuscripts and it is in one of his own printed works, because he is a man of contradictions, that he points out Gutenberg as the original inventor. Gutenberg, if you couldn't tell, didn't exactly flaunt his work. It took a much longer time to find out that he published a specific version of the bible and which exact version that was.

The book covers a select number of topics and is a very short read. Nevertheless, I am embarrassed to say that it took me two weeks to read what amounts to under 300 pages of the actual book with the rest being notes, an index, and acknowledgments. And this comes as I found it quite enjoyable. I cannot explain what happened but I did make it through to the end. Unharmed, and a little bit wiser. Some of the stories I already knew from other things I've seen such as the tale of Charles Dickens visiting America, hating it, and complaining about not getting compensated fairly because Americans liked to pirate foreign books. Newsflash: Nothing has changed. Just this morning I was talking with an author about his book sales and not two minutes later discovered his recently published novel on one of the many sites that the internet will never be rid of. Back to the book, Benjamin Franklin's chapter on how he made all of his money and started a massive printing empire in America was also common knowledge to me.

In the very beginning, there's a great story about a forger named Marino Massimo De Caro who himself was a rare book dealer. He managed to fake a copy of Galileo's work and sell it for a large amount of money AFTER scholars looked over it and confirmed the book was genuine. It took a Professor from the University of Georgia to realize later on that portions of this book did not add up. The scholars had to admit their fault to much embarrassment and De Caro was arrested. It's a high stake, thrilling, and comical intro to a book that would venture into religious topics shortly after. Anything religious tends to divert my attention elsewhere. Luckily, even those stories are worthwhile and I'd even say fun. William Blake's section was the weirdest. From things like God staring at him through a window when he was a boy to angels sitting in trees to communicating with his deceased brother and figuring out how to perfect Relief Etching and Engraving. He also claimed to be able to see the ghost of a flea and drew it as a 6-foot demon carrying a bowl of blood. What? Yes. These are the odd types of things I've found out in this book.

It is a good starting point for someone who really wants to learn about the history of books, printing, and some of the important aspects of the printed world. From it's invention to how it is advertised and became the household commodity we know it as today. We learn about how literature ties in and clashes with religion. We follow people persecuted and imprisoned for printing the wrong things and spreading the wrong information. We learn technical details about bookbinding and how the printing of maps changed rapidly as more details about or world became known. There is something in this for everyone. The sad part for me is now I have to hunt down other resources to learn more about the history of literature and printing as it is a topic I am interested in and I know most of what I'll find won't be as carefree as this.

I hope at some point there is a followup. More Irrelevant Stories from Book History sounds like a great title.


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Review: The Unfinished Land

The Unfinished Land by Greg Bear
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I am a firm believer that sometimes a book is bad only because it was read at the wrong time. Don't misunderstand me, a book can truly be terrible. But outside influences tend to weigh heavily against enjoyment. A good example of this would be when I read Blood of Elves. After discovering black mold in our apartment, we were forced to live in a Hotel room for six months while our entire building was remodeled. It was stressful and, with two young boys, almost impossible to give the book my full attention. I hated it and haven't picked up a Witcher book since.

The Unfinished Land falls into this category because I had suffered a medical episode while reading this. In fact, I spent the bulk of this book laying on the floor, covered in my own blood and when that wasn't going on, writhing in pain. The book was used as a distraction from what was going on but the reading itself suffered as a result.

I attempted to read two other books but neither held much interest for me. When I started The Unfinished Land I was instantly hooked. Something was intriguing about the way it was written. The best I could come up with was in the style of Classic Foreign Fiction, whatever that may mean. It probably doesn't fulfill that category at all. It reminded me of a lot of older foreign fiction I read from time to time, in other words. Or something you would read in high school.

Our story starts with a boy, Reynard, as he is struggling to survive on the wreck of his Uncle's fishing vessel. His Uncle, Cousin, and the other people on the boat all were killed when it came under attack by a Spanish Galleon. We are treated to flashbacks of what put him in this position, as well as one flashback where we are introduced to the man with the white shadow. He is rescued by the Spanish, specifically, an Old Man named Manuel. Their ship lands on an island and our story begins to take shape.

It is on this island that our story takes a sharp turn. I believe chapter two begins to mention Queen Hel, and then the Vanir and Aesir. As a Norse Mythology fan, I was all for it. But the book itself is extremely schizophrenic. I quickly began to takes notes from this point onward only to abandon it when my medical issues took hold. There was simply no way for me to keep up with everything going on because the book kept outrunning itself.

Numerous books handle large cast well enough for you to understand each person's motivations and believe they are a living, breathing entity. This isn't one of those books. Characters come at you fast and you meet others almost as soon as you leave the last. The island also has mythical creatures but not nearly enough for it to feel special. The book gets lost in its construction easily here but I'll try my best to summarize a few points.

The island, if I'm following this correctly, is a version of Tir Na Nog. Queen Hel is responsible for most of it but at this point, she is long gone. There is another part of the island ruled by the Sister Queens who later we meet as conjoined siblings. I'm unsure if there are more or just those two. There are tiers of people who serve either side, some of which are Those Beneath The Sky, Crafters, The Travelers, and the Blunters. Blunters are responsible for getting blood from Nymphs which will turn into Drakes in order to pair up with them. The Drakes aren't typical but instead are overgrown dragonflies. There are also Childers which to my understanding are faeries that appear as small children. If I am incorrect please let me know. I lost a significant amount of blood so please forgive me. There are also Eaters which are Vampires who eat Lifetimes instead of drink blood. Their victims age until there is nothing left. I enjoyed the Eaters most of all the fantasy elements of the book because they came across as the most developed. Sadly, I couldn't say that about anything else.

The writing style changes once we get to the island or at least feels like it has. The promise of the Aesir and Vanir is as incomplete as the land the book is about. I was hoping Queen Hel would be Loki's daughter as it was heavily implied but nothing becomes of it. Nothing becomes of a lot of the book. Other reviews, the few that I've seen, say that the book had no plot and went nowhere. It was my challenge in my incapacitated state to try to prove them wrong. I still don't know, ultimately.


I can understand why Manuel, really known as Widsith, is sent out from the island to discover what is going on with the rest of the world. Each time he returns as an old man, Calybo of the Eaters uses his power to rejuvenate Widsith back into a younger man. Reynard's role is constantly brought up as he doesn't know his part in all of this. In the end...well, without giving too much away I feel that the ending of the book was pointless as I don't truly feel Reynard had any importance at all. And as for the Island itself...

I wish it pushed harder into the mythological elements. We get a handful of creatures and way too many different people who speak what I'm assuming is old English. Lots of Doth, Thou, Telleth, and the like. Very annoying. There's a throwaway line somewhere where I believe it mentioned Elves and Dwarves but I didn't write it down and none are mentioned or appear. There's also a brief part that mentions Trees can walk and the people of yesteryear became trees. Truly something of interest in this story and it is not utilized. I believe the intention was that the Crafters of the land could create anything they wanted, creatures and places, but this fantastical island was an island first and foremost and fantastical as a minor afterthought.

Reynard and the group travel from person to person trying to get Reynard to a specific location where he would learn his purpose in all of this. That can qualify as a plot but again this is all poorly developed. Events are rushed together. Every time I felt as if I had a hold and understanding of the story, other things would happen and I would be lost once again. For what it's worth, the synopsis says that this will lead up to a war between humans and the gods but what Gods? And humans had come and gone on that island for centuries. Too many ideas and the wrong things are emphasized. Here's another example of something that went nowhere. Reynard for fans of tales and fables is obviously an allusion to Reynard the Fox. He's even referred to as such in the book. Reynard is not a trickster, nor do I see any other connection to the fabled character. So what was the point?

My favorite part of the book, as I kind of mentioned above, were the Eaters. I thought there would be a bigger role for these people to play but this book goes in whatever directions it feels like even if it means bashing itself against a wall. There is a moment where the Eaters board boats to leave the Island and I was reminded of the Elves leaving Middle Earth. Intentional or not, it was a pleasant connection.

I'm looking back and forth to the one page of notes I did manage to take and I've used none of it here because it wouldn't make any sense. I believe the story of this book is about the time of myths and legends dying and the world of man and science taking over. I could be absolutely wrong. For now, I am saying this book falls into a space between good and bad. It simply is what it is and I don't know if it knows itself what it's trying to be. Maybe it warrants a reread at a later date. It's a tough call. Finishing it was extremely difficult for me. Whether that is because of the blood loss, or pain, or if it is because the book isn't as good as I wish it to be is not something I could say at the moment. It's something to think about at least.

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Review: The Court of Miracles

The Court of Miracles by Kester Grant
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Les Miserables is one of the greatest works of literature in all of history. Arguably, the greatest. The Odyssey? That was a fun romp. War and Peace? Not enough Napoleon. The Bible? Dated. Moby Dick? Thanks for reminding me I can't swim. But Les Miserables...that is a book I would be buried with. It is a warm spot in my mostly calloused soul.

When I saw that Kester Grant had written a book called The Court of Miracles and that within its description were the words Les Miserables I stopped right there. I thought 'absolutely I would' as I rushed to the nearest ordering site, not caring about the huge to be read stack I had recently developed because between myself and Les Miserables there is very little else aside from time periods, and countries, and talent, and reality versus a work of fiction. Give me that French Lit, damn it!

The Court of Miracles takes reimagined Les Miserables characters and mixes them in with the Court of Miracles' underworld from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. There's a touch of The Jungle Book of which I don't know if that goes beyond the villain being known as The Tiger. As well supposedly there are comparisons to something known as the Six of Crows which I've not read nor need to because oh my God, did you not hear that this involves Les Miserables? Thank you. People, we do not need to go further.

I will. I like talking.

This is not your verbatim Les Miserables. Ultimately the work has been deconstructed and characters, places, and events have morphed to fill their own story. I debated with myself whether this book needed to use those same characters or if it would work as an original piece of its own. If you changed the names I wouldn't say the story would have been hurt at all. Then I realized that by invoking those characters it made something magical and it does enhance the story.

Les Miserables is memorable for its wide breadth of characters, among other things. It was an interesting choice to not feature Thenadier's wife in this and instead make Azelma an older sister instead of younger. It is an important change as her actions set our plot in motion. Thenadier I will never imagine as anyone else but Alun Armstrong. There is a layer of shadiness to the character that doesn't come across in the musical as much as it does in the book so I appreciate Kester for bringing that side of the character to the forefront. Valjean is included as well but he is not our star this time around. He has his moments and one great scene for comic relief later on with Ettie, who is our Cosette. You're probably wondering about Javert who is such a shining and I guess you could say falling star of the original. Maybe you are imagining Philip Quast or Nieves who was the kid who portrayed Javert in my High School's musical production. You couldn't be more off. Javert in this version of the story is...Gender Swapped! And rightfully so. The original Les Miserables was very masculine and very white and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that for what it was but the world isn't copy and paste. I understand that it might be a historical inconsistency by having a female inspector in Paris at that time but I don't know that for certain and this is a work of fiction so let's suspend our technicalities.

The heartbreaking and widely unappreciated Eponine becomes here a strong, thriving woman who finally gets her due. We forget how in Les Miserables Eponine starts with fancy dresses and somewhat of a luxurious life at the inn, compared with the treatment of Cosette that is, and then becomes rags, bones, and a secondhand thought. Hers is a story of unrequited love and sorrow. I personally am so happy that she was the choice of the main character here. I think it also says something that in facing the abuse they grew up with the only option of escape is to join a criminal society made up of the Wretched of Paris.

Notably absent is Fantine, who is kind of mentioned but unimportant, and Marius.

Thank God.

In Les Miserables, it is the story that revolves around Marius that is fascinating and nothing about Marius himself. The sections on his Grandfather, Father, and Thenadier's Coat. The sections on the revolution and the barricade. Even in his own love story, he is the weakest part. Kester obviously saw this and did a whole CeeLo style Forget You to his character. And we don't even miss him.

I am not a fan of love stories. I make this very clear. Don't worry, I have four kids and earned at least three of them. As happy as I was about Marius not being included, Kester triples the dosage and gives Eponine three suitors to choose from. Now, in all fairness, Montparnasse is involved with Eponine in the original book as well but it's not much of a highlight in the story especially in the shadow of the love triangle between Eponine, Cosette, and Marius. His character resides mainly in the background compared with everyone else. I LOVE that Kester pulls him forward and makes him a Master of the Guild of Assassins. It is the perfect role for him. He's creepy in that thrilling, dangerous sort of way.

Another suitor is the Dauphin. Early in The Court of Miracles, Eponine steals one of the Crown Jewels from his neck while he is sleeping. He awakens and she hastily kisses him as a distraction. Their fates dictate numerous encounters and we discover that not only has he always kept thinking about her but he does so every night. Comme c'est scandaleux! Garcon Pervers!

Our third choice is Enjoras who takes the Marius vacancy but fills it with courage and steel determination as the leader of the doomed students. A moment later on sees the Little Fall of Rain scene from the musical turned on its head. Don't expect the obvious as multiple characters have their parts traded to different results. I'll also point out here that Gavroche isn't a blood relation to Eponine in this reimagining but does have a moment on the barricade. Both Enjoras and the Dauphin serve as comic relief in their multiple run-ins with Eponine whereas Montparnasse is in another league. Almost literally as he's a killer.

Luckily for me, these relationships aren't as integral to the story as the Cosette - Marius pairing from the original. There isn't a one-and-only true love/this is our destiny story. I have a much higher tolerance for Eponine. No gagging required.

The Court of Miracles gets me excited. I was truly hoping for an appearance by Clopin Trouillefou for a complete Hugo crossover experience. If I trust anyone to do it, it would be Kester. That isn't the case here but it was truly wonderful being among the Wretched. This is a retelling of Classic Historical Fiction but Fantasy Genre fans will be all over the Guilds. I can already picture the Which Guild Do You Belong To quizzes and the additions to everyone's Twitter Profiles. They are (The Guilds of) Beggars, Assassins, Mercenaries, Chance, Smugglers, Letters, Thieves, Flesh, and Dreamers. Each Guild has a Lord or Lady in Charge followed by a Master. The Guild leaders offer protection and strength to their members. Members are not permitted to enter the houses uninvited or even know their locations. They also are not allowed to physically attack a member of another Guild as it will be considered an act of war. Having the protection of a Guild is major.

We spend most of our time with the Beggars and Assassins, the Ghost, and the Bats. The Thieves Guild which featured prominently in the beginning serves mainly as background to Eponine being a Thief. One of my surprises was that Femi, who is a Messenger allowed to travel to all of the Guilds, isn't a major player in our story. He brings Eponine to the Guild initially and then makes three or four short appearances later on. I assumed as he was close to Azelma that he would remain important. Lord Orso of the Ghost, a.k.a. the Dead Lord, is fantastic. After this first book, I believe the Ghost are my favorite of all the Guilds. Of the Assassins, Montparnasse of course is great but Lady Corday is mesmerizing.

The monster of our story is the Tiger. It would have been easy to put the Valjean/Javert narrative at the forefront but their quarrel is yet to be fully explored. I say yet because I am demanding a sequel. Many sequels. And organizing sit-ins and protest until the publisher gives in and manufactures syringes full Court of Miracles Serum because I do believe I am an addict spawned from my love of Hugo and the incredible talent of Kester Grant.

Pause. Breathe. Finger Snap. Back to the Review.

The Tiger was sold by his father when he was younger and grew up into a ruthless slave trader. Eventually, in an act of proud defiance, he demanded to be one of the Lords of the Miracle Court but there was no Guild for him to control. He was spoken against by the Lady of the Flesh Guild and organized a plot to overthrow her. Ultimately he alone breaks the laws that all the Guilds agree upon and everyone fears him except for Orso who is the one Lord that is willing to stand against him openly. This is all backstory I'm giving you. These characters are very developed.

The plot of the Court of Miracles sees Eponine first attempt to trade Cosette for her older sister but in finding herself unable to condemn her to that life seeks to protect her from the Tiger. It is a whirlwind of a book which sees a new rebellion rise in France, Guilds pitted against one another, and finally Eponine getting the recognition she deserves. The Court of Miracles not only reimagines but also reinvents 1828 Paris. It is exciting and fresh. Most importantly, this is a book that a new generation of readers will appreciate and feel inspired by. If they decide to go back and read the books that influenced this one, all for the better. I'm glad for it to have crossed my path and will be following Kester Grant at a distance of Six Feet because that is all the Government permits us to at this time.

*And yes, that was a suicide reference.
** I try to always use the Author's last name while writing reviews as I believe it is more respectful and professional but felt Kester flowed with the sentences better than Grant. Please forgive me.


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